Thursday, December 08, 2005
Sexual Fantasy Healing
All my life I’ve been accused of having a powerful imagination, but I hope the subject of this entry is not something completely unique to me. Perhaps you have experienced it too.
Over the years I’ve found myself occasionally turning to my imagination to cope with discomfort, pain, stress and anxiety. More specifically, I’ll evoke the person of some “imaginary friend”...but not just any friend: someone with erotic appeal. For as Marvin Gaye once claimed in song, sex can have a healing affect. In fact, even imaginary sex can. Hence the title of this entry: Sexual Fantasy Healing.
I’m not talking about using the imagination to cure cancer or even a cold, but rather to ease both mind and body, to relieve discomfort, to lift emotional burdens, and such. Think of the imagined person as a sort of shaman, a mysterious medicine man who uses his powers to heal. In this case his powers are not so much magical as they are psychological, but the archetype still fits. By surrendering to this shaman figure and his sexual power, I’m lifted out of my circumstances and distracted from my cares.
And where do I come up with this shaman guy, and what does he do? Obviously an example is worth a thousand words here.
Sometimes when I go to bed at night I may be fretting about a problem in my life. I know I can’t do anything about it, I know I need to not let it spoil my rest, but sometimes it’s not easy to let go. So I’ll seek out some help in the figure of a person I find particularly compelling or attractive.
By way of illustration, I’ll offer Peter Sarsgaard. I greatly admire the acting talents of this man, but that aside, he has certain qualities that qualify him for playing this part in my imagination. Although his characters often have a quiet, gentle demeanor, they also present a subtle kind of erotic power. Peter is soft spoken but there is something alluring in his voice. And while he is not the in-your-face kind of gorgeous, he has beautiful bedroom eyes that seem to beckon you, and sensuous lips that suggest erotic pleasure even when that is the furthest thing from the matter at hand.
My imaginary Peter has the wonderful gift of being able to seize all my attention immediately. He is such a sexual presence to me, I respond instantly in the way the female typically does when aroused: I submit and surrender. Therefore I become very suggestible, and however he advises me, be it to forget my problems or to relax or to ignore my discomfort, I obey him. Tension flees, stress-inducing distractions disappear. And his unique demeanor is the perfect combination of arousing and soothing: I feel attracted to him but not in a tense or frustrating way.
It’s easy to forget your cares when those eyes are looking into yours, those lips are beckoning to be kissed, and that voice is urging to you to surrender. Suddenly all the world retreats and nothing is left but Peter, and nothing matters but how he’s making you feel. Sexual fantasy healing, there it is.
I’ve used this approach to everything from insomnia to stomach cramps to enduring unpleasant medical procedures. Not always Peter, of course--the list of fantasy figures who have helped me out is dozens long. And although to some this may seem downright weird, I was relieved some years back when I did extensive study of Carl Jung’s theories of psychoanalysis that Dr. Jung actually explained the phenomenon.
If anyone out there has experienced anything similar, please do post if you’re willing. And those who have not, I hope you’ll give it a try sometime.
And actually, it’s kind of fun to do even when you’re feeling just fine. :-)