Saturday, October 29, 2005

Seven Tips for a Little Erotic Boost

Everyone could use a little sexual boost now and again, and sometimes it takes a bit of effort. So I compiled this list of a few ideas for simple ways to get a little erotic thrill (other than the obvious manual way, LOL) that I hope will inspire you.
  1. Review your photo collection. C'mon, just about anyone with a computer has a few photos saved up on his/her hard drive. Have yourself a little electronic beauty contest and pick out who is your favorite on this particular day. The winning photo gets to be posted as your wallpaper (assuming it's PG rated or you have no young children about, of course).
  2. Pick the sexiest song on your iPod or CD rack. If you have some time to kill and want a really fun erotic project, make a compilation CD of hot music. But for something quicker, pick out one excellent song, turn out the lights, and listen to it with headphones. Sting's "Every Breath You Take" still works for me.
  3. Have an imaginary date. Ask yourself these questions: Who would I most want to go out with tonight, living or dead or imaginary? What would be the most sensual possible setting? How would he or she convince me to make love? And what about it would be the really, really wonderful part? By way of illustration, here's my answers for tonight: Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy. A beautifully furnished room with a balcony overlooking a tropical sunset. He'd give me a few of those brooding looks of longing. Getting to stare at that face after he fell asleep.
  4. Try to locate your most unexpected erogenous zone. This one requires some serious privacy so you may need to take a long bubble bath. :-) You know where the obvious spots are, but have you ever determined for certain what places work best for you that aren't on the map? Me, I have an amazingly sensitive spine. But the bottoms of my feet are also a contender. Adjunct suggestion: bring your discovery up to your partner some time, as in, "Dear, I discovered recently I have an amazingly sensitive spine. In a good way." A wink may be required to get the message across.
  5. Write an erotic story, poem, or letter about someone you know. Undoubtedly you've got a crush on some friend, co-worker, store clerk, whatever. Put it down on paper, in all its raunchy glory. Then the next time you see the person, think about what you wrote and smile slyly to yourself. It's all in good fun. Important note: erase said document or put a password on it...if it falls into the wrong hands, the erotic effect will definitely decrease, and that will be only one of your problems.
  6. Meditate upon the subject of your own desires. By this I mean, make a little mental list of the things that really move you sexually. What are your own personal unique turn-ons? I, for example, just love the "come here" beckoning fingers gesture. Like the one Vince Vaughn does in the dance sequence near the end of "Old School." All I have to do is picture an attractive man doing that and I just melt. I also like beards, dress shirts with the cuffs rolled up a bit, and deep sonorous voices.
  7. Create a mental highlight reel. When's the last time you reviewed your own erotic memories? Your brain is full of fun sexy anecdotes, so flip through the scrapbook. What was the first time you felt a flicker of desire for someone of the opposite sex? How did you feel about your first celebrity crush? What was that song that always reminded you of that really hot guy in college? What thing was done to you by a lover that made you the most wild? When did you feel the most sexy and attractive to someone else? What secret and clandestine moment have you never shared with anyone but the other person who shared it with you?

The key to all this, of course, is the key to all things erotic: imagination. You'll be amazed how a few strokes to that particular organ can work even better than--well, you know.

Have fun!

Saturday, October 22, 2005

The Joys of the Three-Way

Okay, now that I’ve got your attention, I guess this essay is technically more about the Love Triangle. Either way, it was inspired by a wallpaper created by my daughter featuring the triangle from ABC’s hit show “Lost”: Kate, Sawyer and Jack. Either way, you have a lovely woman we all wish we were, pursued by two really attractive guys.

Everyone knows how guys love the idea of being with two women at once, and my husband explained to me long ago that the reason for this is very simple: there’s twice as many women present, and the more the better. I theorize that for a woman, the appeal of being with two guys is much more subtle and interesting. I’ll take a shot at explaining it—sounds like fun!

You can pick up some cues from the expressions of the characters on my daughter’s Lost wallpaper. There’s a whole array of emotions going on, and all of them are elemental to certain aspects of effective sexual fantasy. First of all, the men are going head to head for the affections of the woman. The competition heightens their masculinity because it provokes aggression. This is as primordial as two bulls butting heads to the death for the prize of the female. Lots of sexy glaring—very nice.

But humans are not bulls, and the matter is complicated all the more by the mix of emotions in the woman. First of all, when she surrenders to the one, she is in effect betraying the other, giving the act a clandestine feeling that is always titillating. The mere fact that even while she is with the one, she may be thinking of the other, enhances that delicious feeling of guilt. Secondly, knowing that the one she is not with is hurt by her neglect, she feels compassion for him. He is vulnerable, and every woman knows how sexy that is.

Meanwhile, the great thing about the triangle is that it exploits the delights of the forbidden so wonderfully. Because there are two relationships going on, both of them are technically illicit. If you think one piece of forbidden fruit is alluring, imagine the thrill of having two.

And of course, the best possible triangle is like this one, in that it involves a “good” man and a “bad” one. Talk about having your cake and eating it too. When a woman has the option of being with a good man and nevertheless goes for the bad one, the bad one must have something really sexy going for him, or so it feels. And when she goes for the good one, and the bad one suffers, it proves he really does care for her and therefore isn’t so bad after all. There’s nothing so exhilarating as getting to a guy who pretends to be unmovable.

All this reminds me of a fantasy I had in bed for many nights running almost 25 years ago. In it I was the consort of a mad but sexy Roman emperor, and meanwhile fell in love with a good, noble centurion in his army. The centurion was an honorable man who would never think of betraying his emperor...until I came along and was more than he could resist. He treated me well and therefore was quite wonderful to be with. On the other hand the emperor was a twisted, depraved fellow (in a really sexy way) whose one redeeming quality was that it was my love alone that kept him sane. I was too addicted to his kinky charms and to his need to leave him for the centurion.

This triangle was so good, it was no wonder I kept the plot going in my head for nights on end. I guess maybe I need to write it down, hey? Anyway, it just goes to show you, like my daughter’s wallpaper, that nothing makes for an effective aphrodisiac like a nice, emotionally complicated love triangle.

Personally, I think Kate should pick Sawyer.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Rick Springfield’s Amazing Sexual Time Machine

I first fell for Rick Springfield when I saw commercials during “General Hospital” for his song “Jessie’s Girl.” Yes, that was way back in 1984. At the time I, a born and bred city girl, was living out in the middle of Iowa farm country, and I took tremendous comfort in the unapologetically raw sex appeal of Rick.

I read this morning that Rick will shortly be reprising his role on “General Hospital” as Dr. Noah Drake, after a 20 year hiatus. Isn’t that just swell? The promo shots of him for the occasion of the announcement are stunning. I wonder if the man sold his soul to the devil at some point or what.

Now I think Rick is a fine songwriter, guitarist and singer, but where he excels is in putting his sexuality out there for the audience to feast upon. That has always been his forte. Back when I was trapped on the farm (sorry, I’m just a city girl), feeling lonely and powerless and cut off from life, I grabbed onto Rick like a lifeline of libido. Desiring him brought fire and joy back into my days. If that’s not a testimony to the invigorating power of sex, I don’t know what is.

A couple of years ago I took my daughters, who were 1 and 4 back in 1984, to see Rick perform live. It was the day after his 50th birthday, and he looked like a god. He didn’t act for one moment like he was anything less than a vital, irresistible, completely cocky love god. I was 47 at the time so you can imagine that once again, the man gave me comfort. You can be over 40 and still damn sexy. Our two generations agreed whole-heartedly on that point.

So I think Mr. Springfield really deserves his amazing longevity. I was never a big fan of “GH,” it just came on after my soap, ”All My Children.” I really left the TV on basically in case Dr. Drake made an appearance, or especially to see if they would run the “Jessie’s Girl” commercial. But I may just DVR the show in December for old times’ sake. Rick in a lab coat always was hotter than hell, and it seems every few years I find a reason to revive my lusting for him. I guess it’s just a good way to celebrate being alive.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Why Joss Whedon is Sexy

I’m currently obsessing on the film “Serenity,” based upon Joss Whedon’s short-lived but awesome sci-fi TV series “Firefly.” But you may be a fan of Buffy and/or Angel, Joss’s more long-running creations. Joss seems to have a knack for creating characters that inspire cult-like followings, and in the case of “Firefly,” those fans were so passionate they may be the main reason “Serenity” ever got made.

I loved Buffy, skipped Angel, but was finally turned into a Whedonphile for good and all by the fabulous character development in “Firefly.” I was crazy about half the characters after one episode, and the other half after two. This is almost impossible to achieve in television. I believe only seven episodes of the show aired and yet in that time Captain Malcolm Reynolds and his crew became so vivid to me that the cancellation made me genuinely grieve.

But enough about TV shows, what’s this I’m saying about Joss being sexy? Well, he’s another example, like composer John Williams, of a man whose mind is so marvelously creative, ingenious, and inventive that he could be short an eye and have an extra arm and still be hot to me. Listen to him do the director’s commentary on a DVD and you will marvel that he is so brilliant and yet so adept at making that brilliance effective to the average person. And he’s damn hilarious too (the #1 sexiest trait in men).

The sometimes gentle, sometimes cold, always quirky Captain Mal came from Joss’s brain. As did the childlike, witty, preternaturally skillful pilot Wash (my favorite character). As did chilling villains like The Operative. And amazing women like Zoe, Kaylee and River, not to mention Buffy herself before them. With swift strokes, never wasting a word, Joss creates characters so three-dimensional, so complex, so engaging, that they become vital in record time.

I’m not sure what could be sexier than that. On a small scale, a guy like this is like God. He invents worlds the soul longs to inhabit, and creates people the heart burns to know. Sure, I’ll give credit too to the wonderful acting of his cast members, and the skill of set designers, special effects people, composers, camerapersons, etc. for superb execution. But behind it all is the dazzlingly creative mind of one man.

Perhaps I admire him most because he excels at the very thing I myself strive to achieve: making characters. It is an art form I understand, a craft I myself have experience with. Because I so well appreciate the process, I go breathless thinking about Joss’s achievements. It’s intense, it’s inspiring, it has overcome me completely once or twice. Sounds pretty sexual to me.

[And if you haven’t read between the lines yet, I’m suggesting you see “Serenity.” It puts an awful lot of science fiction and action movies to shame.]