Wednesday, April 04, 2007
This Saturday Davie and I are celebrating our own rather unique romantic holiday. It’s 5,363rd Day, and no, there is not a Hoops and Yoyo ecard available for it.
Saturday is the day I will have lived with David longer than I did with my first husband. I’ll try to explain the romantic significance of the occasion, and I imagine anyone who flubbed up on their first relationship but succeeded in their second may understand.
My first husband was gay, and a Lutheran pastor, and while I’ll spare you the details, you can imagine there were problems. (For more details you can always read my book Living Beyond Reality.) Needless to say, I came out of that two decade relationship a little bit messed up, especially since the last ten years of our marriage, I was actually aware of the infidelity. But we finally split. I met David and a couple of years later, remarried.
My first marriage seemed like a lifetime, and I wondered how long it would take till I felt David had more of an impact on my life and my children’s than my first husband had. Then I happened to find out about my great-aunt Isabel’s first marriage. All my life my Aunt Isabel and Uncle Louie had been like grandparents to me. I knew Louie was Isabel’s second husband, but then I learned that her previous marriage had been 15 years long, just like mine! She started over and made a “life long” romance with someone new, so clearly it was possible.
And I knew one day would come when my relationship with David would pass up my first one in duration. I vowed I would take note of that day and be thankful.
Hence, 5,363rd Day.
I guess I’m a little wacky to value something like this, but with my past, it makes sense. (Heck, I also keep a tally of how many times David and I have made love, but remember: gay ex-husband, okay?) Marriage or a long term sexual relationship necessarily involves a deep degree of intimacy, and each partner leaves an indelible mark on the other. If for some reason, like infidelity or abuse, a person hopes to rid him- or herself of that mark, doing so will not be easy.
But in fact, making a home with David and raising my daughters with him restored my heart and soul a long time ago. I guess 5,363rd Day just drives home to me that the restoration really has been accomplished.
Now, imagine this: I’ll be only 64 when I’ve lived with Davie twice as long! That will merit another romantic holiday for sure.