Crush on Eyeliner

Now for something completely controversial…

In my humble opinion, we really need to live in a society where men wear eyeliner.

Now I know a lot of traditional women will initially balk at this. Real men don’t wear eyeliner, eh? Well, before I launch into a refutation of that, ladies: Ponder the visage of Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow in “Pirates of the Caribbean” and tell me you don’t feel a twinge.

Fact is, eyeliner makes the eyes appear larger and draws attention to their beauty. It makes the whites look whiter and the pupils into deep black pools. Beautiful eyes on men are as effective as they are on women…perhaps more so, since women tend to check out faces more than men do.

Ancient Egyptians, regardless of gender, lined their eyes with kohl, and today it is an accepted practice in certain Arabic cultures. I say the stigma against eyeliner for men in our culture stems from that idea that real men don’t make any effort to look attractive. Gay men, who don’t mind people surmising that they work on their appearance, have less of a problem with this. C’mon now, guys—what man minds looking sexy? I have a lot of admiration for Ewan McGregor, who has no problem wearing eyeliner; he is just that secure in his manhood. And he knows the impact a little eye-blackening can have on women. This is a sexy look, and part of its appeal is that it is done for the sole purpose of appearing sexy. If a guy wears eyeliner, you know it is for one reason only: he wants you to want him. Tell me that’s not a turn on.

Now keep in mind there are certain exclusions to this principle. Guys who wear eyeliner to hide the fact that their eyes are black from drug use don’t really cut it. Sorry, Iggy, to me “heroin chic” is an oxymoron. And those black smudges football players wear to cut down on glare don’t work either, especially when there are advertisements printed on them. Right out.

But in most cases the under-eye shadows are really effective. Consider the case of the transformation of Anakin Skywalker to Darth Vader. Along the way he develops sinister dark circles under his eyes, and it is this haunted, malevolent look that a most women find much more of a turn-on than the uncorrupted Anakin of “Attack of the Clones,” with his inexplicable love patter about how he hates sand.

Take Prince, or Davie Bowie, or Duran Duran…ah, the 80s were rife with rockers who knew the value of eyeliner. How about that quintessential heartthrob, Rudolph Valentino? Yul Brynner in “The King and I” or as the Pharoah in “The Ten Commandments”?

Really, there are few men who couldn’t be improved with a little eyeliner. You know how men see a hot woman and try to picture her naked? I see an attractive guy and imagine him with kohl around his eyes. Hey, we all have our quirks.

Now that I’ve admitted to this little fetish, I hope a few people will post that they share my opinion. I don’t suppose anyone else has tried photoshopping eyeliner onto photos of their celebrity crushes, have they? Oh…okay…me neither. :-)