tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12484381.post3541473425131769409..comments2023-10-17T07:03:56.821-05:00Comments on Erotica with Soul: The Spark is Gone -- Should You Move On?Diana Laurencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10282682103659805945noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12484381.post-71037360813437601772012-08-12T03:28:57.621-05:002012-08-12T03:28:57.621-05:00It is so comforting to find others facing similar ...It is so comforting to find others facing similar realities. Over the last year I have encountered attraction towards two separate people. Having never acted on them.Which has led me to question why I have felt this way. I have questioned what I have in my life for months now which on paper is a stable marriage, a career and a mortgage. At 31 however I am beginning to feel as though I am 75 and encompassing a journey that I question is right for me. My personality over the years has become subdued and almost reclusive which I think 10 years ago (prior to husband) was the reverse. Is that why I crave these people? Do they let me be myself? My husband has started saying recently as i hve begun to question our relationship he wants the old me back. The original old me like i was when i met him isnt the one he refers to.<br />our relationship would receive approximately a 50% mark. Leaving me hanging in the balance what do I do?Bob33https://www.blogger.com/profile/01718156922571949332noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12484381.post-46988366875683597452011-06-09T15:07:33.051-05:002011-06-09T15:07:33.051-05:00Hi Diana. Very interesting, and realistic blog tha...Hi Diana. Very interesting, and realistic blog that seems so appropriate and relevant. I have recently just took that horrible, step that took months to make. I left my boyfriend of 2 years because I had a crush on a more mysterious, makes-my-heart-race man. I didn't leave my boyfriend to be with this man. But things hadn't felt quite the same for a while and the entering of this crush into my life made me realise it and thought I had to do something about it. I just felt there had to be more to life. I am only 19. Its been about a week since I broke up with my boyfriend and I'm feeling really down about it all, not that I regret, because I would still be in the unhappy situation if I hadn't of done it. And i'd much rather be unhappy on my own than with someone, it wasn't fair on him. I hope this hole in my heart that I feel will ease away, and that it's just because such a big part of my life has vanished, almost overnight. But I am scared. I am scared of regretting, realising the grass isn't greener, and most of all I'm scared of being alone, and never finding anyone else.<br />I'll be sure to update regarding how I feel in a few weeks/months, whether I feel better or worse.<br />Thanks for all the comments they're helpful, but have really made me doubt what I have done.<br />SABHSABHnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12484381.post-86367472854245217492010-10-11T16:09:55.881-05:002010-10-11T16:09:55.881-05:00I LOVE the ten questions you listed in this blog e...I LOVE the ten questions you listed in this blog entry.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12484381.post-51549002199804189172010-02-09T06:10:23.068-06:002010-02-09T06:10:23.068-06:00You are VERY welcome...and I hope it helped. Soun...You are VERY welcome...and I hope it helped. Sounds like more insights are coming to you. And I think it's safe to say, this too shall pass. Bottom line, what's helped me most in life with things like this is just getting older and gaining experience and understanding!Diana Laurencehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10282682103659805945noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12484381.post-20753161655476001092010-02-07T15:48:19.335-06:002010-02-07T15:48:19.335-06:00Dear Diana, thank you so much. Just the thought th...Dear Diana, thank you so much. Just the thought that you would take the time to answer a complete stranger...again, thank you.<br />And incidentally, I think you're right on, and the best expression you used was 'the road not taken'. This person, I think, represents the glamorous side of life I sometimes think I've left behind, with all the responsibilities of a marriage, an apartment, possible kids, etc. What I tend to forget is that would still have all those challenges, and probably more, with anybody!<br />I think, to use a strong term, I'm in mourning. I'm mourning the passing of time and the sense that you had as a teenager that anything could happen to you. <br />Also, come to think of it, this celeb has the same kind of baby face, expression, smile, hair, of my first real big-time crush at age 15. <br />And, at least on the surface, he represents perfect beauty, which always gets a romantic and sensitive soul. <br />I could go on and on about the possible reasons... thank you for helping me open up this can of worms and reassuring me that feeling like this does not diminish my intelligence. I still feel a weight on my heart, and think I need to stop looking for pictures and news on the internet and I'm not yet in a position to just enjoy my crush. but I'm ready to take a good long look at myself and figure out if this obsession is feeding a slight touch of depression I need to take care of. <br />I will be following your blog to read about the healthy way' to crush. <br />Much love and thanks<br />(I'm so sorry not to be signing my name, but i'm still really embarrassed...)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12484381.post-47220832360554672072010-02-06T21:05:03.564-06:002010-02-06T21:05:03.564-06:00Anonymous, one thing that comes to mind: You need...Anonymous, one thing that comes to mind: You need to recognize the completely unruly nature of emotions. The fact that you feel all these things, apparently irrevocably, for this celebrity does not say anything about your intelligence or maturity. I can see from your comment that you are very intelligent and mature (as is your husband). That's a fact. Emotions, on the other hand, are quite often stupid and immature. That is their nature.<br /><br />There is no shame in feeling such things. However, you do have free will and this is the time to let that will be ruled by your rational thoughts. You know what's going on, that's obvious. Rely on that knowledge and trust it. As for the feelings, all you can do is not put more stock in them than they deserve. You can have them--even enjoy them if possible--but they are as you say no measure of reality.<br /><br />It may be possible for you to contemplate what it is you see in this celebrity that has such power to you, and thereby get a better handle on your feelings. Sometimes is it nothing more than your craving for the excitement and suspense that you no longer experience, being in a happy and secure long-term relationship.<br /><br />That's the thing: sometimes we just crave adventure, the road not taken, mystery, and desire. But at the same time, we know we have a good thing going and have no rational wish to give it up. Embrace and be grateful for the latter, and leave the former to fantasy, daydreaming, books and movies. Trying to make the fantasy real almost always leads to bitter disappointment. But then, in spite of your feelings, I'm sure you are very cognizant of that!<br /><br />Best wishes and thanks for your very intellent comment. And my best to your awesome husband too!Diana Laurencehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10282682103659805945noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12484381.post-65137718373646253832010-02-06T13:50:06.590-06:002010-02-06T13:50:06.590-06:00Hmm. so this blog is sufficiently recent for someo...Hmm. so this blog is sufficiently recent for someone to still be reading, at least I hope. I am finding myself in this exact situation and got here by googling the now infamous 'how to get over a crush' query. <br />What is driving me completely crazy is that a) i used to think of myself as a fairly rational person b) i am happily married and over thirty c) my crush is on a celebrity. <br />Just how childish/infantile/egotistical can I be? how did a couple films turn me into a teenager again?<br />The worst of it is, I rationally understand and even embrace the explanations that I've read here and elsewhere on the web. I know I am projecting onto this person; I know I know nothing about this person, who may be an absolute cretin in real life; i realize that whichever qualities this person projects are not necessarily to be considered a 'personality' and I have no way to gauge his real personality. As you may also notice, I use the word 'real' a lot and so am quite aware of the difference between reality and imagination. <br />Still, I find mysef craving the spark; the narcissistic pleasure of thinking that such a god might ever take an interest in me, thus generating the all-important feeings of validation we are all really in love with.<br />Also, it doesnt' hurt that this person is drop dead gorgeous, at lest to my eyes. <br />And here, enter my husband. What makes me feel really guilty is that we connect on so many levels that he has not only figured out what has been going through my head, but hasn't judged, felt threatened or insecure, and has simply talked to me and let me talk, held my hand and diagnosed me correctly. he has understood that this person is NOT real, but simply represents something to me.<br />so I'm left thinking, how crazy can I be? my husband may be less than perfect looking, but then so am I, however he understands things about me a stranger never could. <br />I'd love to hear your thoughts. and sorry for rambling...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12484381.post-13284758597500628182010-01-16T11:36:31.959-06:002010-01-16T11:36:31.959-06:00Hi, it's Anonymous here from the first post. T...Hi, it's Anonymous here from the first post. Thanks, Diana and Rachele, for your encouraging words. I can't convey properly how comforting they are! Wishing you both well.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12484381.post-33974162232092167262010-01-14T06:39:01.891-06:002010-01-14T06:39:01.891-06:00We all crave excitement and the adrenaline rush of...We all crave excitement and the adrenaline rush of romantic love, Rachele. But you are very insightful in recognizing that the best approach is to find excitement and adventure in your own life, related to your own self. I found that the ultimate "cure" for my own crushing problems: Expressing myself and using my gifts, and learning to appreciate what I had to offer to the world. And thanks for your compassion towards Anonymous!Diana Laurencehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10282682103659805945noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12484381.post-62630623009189159962010-01-13T22:08:06.233-06:002010-01-13T22:08:06.233-06:00First of all, I have to say that I was really surp...First of all, I have to say that I was really surprised to see you dedicate a blog about my comment. That’s pretty cool considering I have never blogged before. <br />I feel a lot of compassion for the Anonymous friend. I saw my “crush” yesterday and again I proved to myself that my emotions have nothing to do with him and most importantly nothing to do with my partner either, although God knows he can be quite predictable. It is about ME and the fact that I instinctively want to escape my reality, not because it is bad, but because it just IS. My crush COULD BE this or COULD BE that. I simply AM. <br />Anyways, before I saw him I spent a tremendous amount of time (all weekend) fantasizing about our encounter which ended up being not special at all and about 5 minute long. The worst part of fantasizing is that when we do that we are mentally writing a script of what is going to happen between us and our love interest. Obviously, to my own frustration, things never happen like I write them in my mental script; in that plot I play all the characters and control everything. When it comes to the “real encounter” I am unavoidably “crushed” and disappointed. Why can’t I have that over the top romance that will make me feel like I am living in a fairytale? <br />The real question should be: Why do I need to be Cinderella to feel like I am special? Why do I need ANYONE to make me feel that? Am I not special enough on my own? <br />Clearly I got to work on this more than on getting my prince charming. I think getting my sense of self would be a better investment of my time and of my heart …yet it is so difficult.<br />In regards to Anonymous, one thing I learned that goes completely against my upbringing is that guilt and self punishment are absolutely useless. My suggestion to anonymous is to breathe and realize that everything you are feeling today, no matter how painful and “real” it may feel, will unavoidably pass. <br /> You will overcome this crush like you overcame many other situations in your life before. This is a fact and since it is a fact, don’t forget to breath and remember that you are here, you are alive, and you have a lot of things going for you. What makes no sense to you today will make sense to you in a while. Trust that and please my friend, PUT YOURSELF FIRST. We all make mistakes but as long as we learn something from our actions, every mistake is worth living. <br />Be strong! <br />Much love,<br />RacheleUnknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14583579500979131975noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12484381.post-51608553703024815502010-01-13T05:48:13.599-06:002010-01-13T05:48:13.599-06:00So sorry for your pain, Anonymous! Their really i...So sorry for your pain, Anonymous! Their really is some serious risk in doing that (I know from sad experience myself), in that a lot of people are rather traumatized at the prospect of being a "home-wrecker" and will back off in horror. Then, as you pointed out, you have a new problem: feeling bad about yourself and their altered opinion of you. I'm sure in time your crush will get over it and be able to treat you in a normal fashion, if circumstances are such that you do see each other continually. And don't be too hard on yourself; it's a common mistake. As emotional creatures we sometimes find it nearly impossible to do what we know is wise. This too shall pass. Best wishes!Diana Laurencehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10282682103659805945noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12484381.post-30144321079181924202010-01-13T03:18:51.047-06:002010-01-13T03:18:51.047-06:00Thanks, Diana, for your insight. I'm in a situ...Thanks, Diana, for your insight. I'm in a situation similar to Rachele's and went ahead and had an encounter with my crush. I wished I'd had the wisdom of your blog post before this. My crush now is avoiding all contact with me, and I'm second-guessing everything about myself. The emotional pain I'm in right now is really of my own creation. But life goes on. . .Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com